Thursday, January 21, 2016

Peak Beard?

Have we reached 'peak beard'?  I seem to recall reading something in The Guardian late last year claiming that this was the case, that the supposed beard growing craze allegedly gripping the UK's male population had reached its zenith and that sales of razor blades could only increase.  Despite this bold claim, I still see an inordinate number of men wandering around Crapchester sporting those bloody awful, unkempt 'hipster' beards, clearly thinking that they look incredibly 'cool' are making some kind of important 'statement' by having the facial hair of a tramp.  Let's be honest here, 'hipster' beards devalue all beards.  Because this awful facial hair is sported exclusively by twats, there is a temptation to assume that all men with beards are twats.  Which is grossly unfair.  Sure, you can't help but feel that guys with neatly trimmed goatees are likely to be pretentious and/or narcissistic, but, on the whole, you really can't make such generalisations. Except when it comes to 'hipster' beards.

I mean, what kind of person would want to wear such an abomination?   Of all the facial hair you could sport - neat goatee, manly nautical 'full set', maverick cop style close cut advanced stubble beard, for instance - why would you want to have your face covered by a mess of wild untrimmed, unstyled hair?  All it says is that you thought it would be cool to grow a beard, but are too lazy to be bothered actually maintaining it. Which isn't to say that you can't get away with a wild beard, but only if you are Brian Blessed or 'Grizzly' Adams.  However, if I see some scrawny would be 'hipster' wandering around with a mass of hairy foliage covering their face, I feel an immediate urge to assault their facial hair with a razor.  Or a pair of shears.  I have to confess a personal, as well as an aesthetic, reason for hating 'hipster' beards.  For the past few months I've been involved in a parking dispute with an idiot who sports such facial hair, (obviously, I'm in the right - I've actually got a valid permit, he hasn't).  He clearly thinks that he is so bloody cool, whereas, in reality, he's simply a hairy peasant.  A hairy peasant who, if he keeps pushing his luck and stealing my space, will risk feeling the sharp end of my razor on his beard.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Nasreen Iqbal said...

Still better than skinny jeans.

4:40 am  

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