Feeling Exploited

I can't help but feel that the quality of my posts here have declined significantly since I went back to work following my Summer break, (with the honourable exception of my eighties exploitation movie write-ups, which I'm pretty proud of - I'm hoping to get the third and final one done soon).  They've been lacking in inspiration and passion.  Whilst there are many reasons I could cite for this - ill health, work-related stress and so on - the truth of it is that my heart just hasn't been in it, for some reason.  Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm for posting here simply reflects my lack of enthusiasm for my current work situation which, I feel, is fast becoming untenable.  But my dissatisfaction with work is long-standing (I keep telling myself that the end of my mortgage payments is within site and all I have to do is hang on for another eighteen months or so - but that still seems too far off).  Perhaps there is some other underlying cause to my current malaise.  Certainly, I've been feeling very restless of late.  To be sure, part of this feeling is fuelled by the thought of the possible freedom the paying off of my mortgage will bring.  But there's more to it than that, I suspect.  Perhaps it is seeing developments in the lives of friends which has left me feeling that my life has become too static, too predictable.

For instance, one of my oldest friends has recently become a mother, something which I find has affected me quite significantly.  I'm not entirely sure why - I've never wanted children of my own and don't regret that decision, yet the knowledge of her motherhood has left me with the vague feeling that there is something lacking in my life.  But, to be completely honest, I can't help but feel that all the exploitation movies I've consumed over the past twelve months has a lot to do with the way I'm feeling.  The fact is that all those sex comedies, low-rent horror flicks and Mondo movies offer a glimpse into another world which, although I was aware it existed, I'd never really exposed myself to before.  It's a wild world full of possibilities, a world which rejects not just most of the conventions of mainstream cinema, but also the conventions of 'regular' society.  The more I experience of it, the more I'm drawn to it.  I can't deny that it has left me with a growing urge to throw of the shackles of conventional 9 to 5 life.  I look upon the works of the likes of Michael J Murphy and Cliff Twemlow with admiration and envy.  Where most might see semi-professional film-makers toiling in the world of ultra low budget trash, I see people who actually got out there and realised their ambitions.  Damn it, they didn't just talk about films, they put their money where their mouths were and actually made films.  Films which achieved a degree of distribution and financial success.

None of which means that I'm planning to go out and shoot my own exploitation films any time soon, but certainly I need to move more toward creative activities and away from the daily grind of convention which is leaving me increasingly listless.  So, there's another charge that can be laid at the feet of exploitation movies: not only do they deprave and corrupt our youth, but they also undermine our satisfaction with everyday life and conventional living.  They should ban them.