Dyer Warnings

The clock is ticking - it is now only a matter of weeks before professional geezer and rumoured actor Danny Dyer joins the cast of Eastenders, playing the new landlord of the Queen Vic pub.  Personally, I am fervently hoping that for his character, Dyer draws. method-style, upon his own experiences and beliefs.  No, I don't mean that I expect the new pub landlord to be a violent misogynist, forever threatening to cut women's faces if they 'get out of line'.  Nor do I expect him to exhibit a pathological hatred of film critic Mark Kermode, hurling beer glasses at the TV screen every time he inadvertently tunes into Kermode's film review programme on the BBC News Channel, (he was actually trying to get Babestation, but his fingers slipped on the remote), or burning copies of the Observer.  No, no, no.  The aspect of Dyer's real-life character, (assuming his entire life isn't an elaborate performance of a 'mockney tosser' character dreamed up by an Eton-educated RADA graduate), is his belief in UFOs.  Just imagine, an Eastenders character who believes in the existence of aliens and who spends his spare time trying to contact them.  It could take the soup off into intriguing new directions.

Apart from his nightly sessions in Arthur Fowler's allotment where, armed with a telescope and a radio transmitter, he tries to contact passing flying saucers, Dyer's character closes the Queen Vic every Thursday night for the regular meeting of the Walford Ufology Group.  Consequently, Patrick Tavernier reveals his keen and apparently life-long interest in crop circles, as it is the only way he can get a drink on a Thursday evening.  Indeed, Patrick might not be the only character to reveal a surprising interest in the paranormal.  Dyer's character could, for instance, strike up an unlikely friendship with Ian Beale, who has been a keen cryptozoologist since his terrifying encounter with an 'Alien Big Cat' in the back room of his fish and chip shop - he disturbed it in the middle of its attempt to pilfer his supply of haddock and Ian was lucky to escape with his life, being forced to beat the beast off with a broom.  Ian dismissed as 'mere coincidence'  the fact that Pat Butcher's pet cat later came home with a limp and half a dozen frozen haddock.  Since then Ian has been haunting the Square at night, lurking in doorways, hoping for a glimpse of the fabled 'Albert Square Apeman' which has allegedly been sighted several times near Phil Mitchell's Arches Garage.  Sadly, bearing in  mind Dyer's fabled acting range, I fear that we are unlikely to see such storylines, as he will undoubtedly portray his character as a believable and complex human being.